Pater was far away in Simmibea but he still got wind of my evil deed. He had a plan for me. I was to move to Twinbrook, “The Most Haunted Town In Simerica.” I would take up the phony profession of ghost-hunting and when people let me into their homes, I would steal from them.
Once I got settled in, I went around and showed off my tools of the trade. I had a bunch of weird equipment that Freya had invented in her science lab and I’m sure these things were no good for nothing. But the folks around Twinbrook were a bunch of rubes and easy to impress.
I met this strange broad, Marigold Racket. Her family had been around for about a hundred generations. She was crazy but her neighbors respected her. Marigold let everyone know I was a ghost-hunter for hire.
My first gig was at the Pidgin Mansion, down in the marshland. It was real foggy and the house looked like it was falling apart, but when I got inside I saw the Pidgin gals were loaded. All I had to do was mesmerize them with my freaky ghost guns and their sweet valuables were mine for the taking.
First, I stood in the middle of a room and started up my Ghost Scanner. It was a weird gadget that sent off spirals of light and made a wah-wah-wah noise that was real loud. I felt like an idiot but it was kind of cool and I could tell the dames were falling for it.
The spirit faded away before I could do anything but another one appeared. It was a Cave Person who looked like it was ready to kill me. I whipped out the Banshee Banisher and pressed the button. A laser shot out and the ghost was decimated. I couldn’t believe it!
Dilly Pidgin was very grateful. She promised to tell everyone about my special gift. I was so stunned, I didn’t know what to say. But I managed to grab a bunch of fancy loot before I stumbled out of the house.
It didn’t take long for the word to get out that I had some kind of supernatural talent. Soon I was out every night until dawn, busting ghosts with my souped-up gizmos. The ghosts I encountered the most were some scary dudes in armor wearing skirts.
Marigold Racket did some research and discovered that the land that was now Twinbrook had once been overrun by Conquistadors in search of gold. These nefarious travelers were often killed by the Native Simericans who were just trying to defend themselves from invaders. I tried convincing these spooky aparitions to move on…
The Science Lab had been trying to overcome the spooky problems in Twinbrook for a long time with no success. So I took all the captive spirits and sold them to some very happy scientists who proceeded to do experiments on the ghosts. The scientists wanted to examine my equipment as well, but I didn’t want to share all my secrets.
I couldn’t believe how much cash I was clearing. I’d never made money from anything but stealing. Finally I knew what it was like to get real paid from a legit job. Well, I don’t how legit I was, I still didn’t know how all that phony equipment worked and I wasn’t sure I even believed in ghosts.
I thought about saving some of these newspapers. They keep running articles about how I’m cleaning up all the ghosts. I’d like to clip the articles out and send them back to Baby and the Crew. But Grand is going to want to know about all the stuff I’m stealing. The problem is, I can’t figure out how to unload my bounty.
Most of Twinbrook was glad I was its newest resident, in spite of my kleptomania. I don’t know how they didn’t put together me coming in the house and their possessions disappearing. Maybe they thought the ghosts were doing all the stealing. But one evening when I was out eating, a cute girl with a huge honker walked by me and laughed.
Later that night, I got an unexpected visitor and it wasn’t a ghost. It was the girl with the big nose which I found kind of sexy.
It was the girl who broke into my house! She had a cynical smirk on her face and I wanted to wipe it right off. But instead I approached her and told her to meet me at the Esplanade so we could talk in private.
Cat: “I don’t steal for money and neither do you. We steal because it makes us feel good. After awhile, I just send the stuff back to the people I stole it from. You should try it, Junior, it will clear your conscience.”
I got home and I was emptying my pockets when I found a beautiful necklace. I had lifted it from the girl when she wasn’t looking. I put it in a box and placed it in the mailbox with a note:
I’m still here. If you hear something go bump in the night, or if your furniture is spinning and floating in the air, look me up. But do yourself a favor and lock up the silver when you see me coming.